Prepared by: Prof. Dr. Sahira Qahtan Abdul Jabbar College of Education – Department of Educational and Psychological Sciences Have you ever received sound advice on how to deal with anger, promised yourself to apply it, but completely ignored it in a moment of anger? This happens when we train the wrong part of our brain. Usually, our rational brain takes the lead, which makes it easier to train it for specific tasks such as cooking or professional skills. However, in times of crisis, our primitive (emotional) brain takes control of the situation. Anger is a natural human feeling that everyone experiences. It is not a problem in itself; rather, the problem lies in how we express it. When left uncontrolled, it can destroy our relationships and drain our health. But when we understand and become aware of it, it can turn into a source of energy that drives change and reform. The first step in dealing with anger is understanding the message it carries. It is like an alarm bell that alerts us that something has affected or violated our dignity, our rights, or our need for appreciation. For example, a person who becomes angry because a colleague took credit for their idea may say to themselves, “I feel unappreciated.” When we identify the real cause, it becomes easier to deal with it rationally. There are several skills that help reduce the intensity of anger, such as taking a pause during moments of emotional escalation. Since the emotional brain reacts faster than the rational brain, we only need a few seconds to regain our balance. We can train ourselves on strategies for managing anger, such as taking three deep breaths, leaving the place for a minute, drinking a glass of water, walking briskly for ten minutes, writing down our feelings and then tearing the paper, or turning to remembrance and supplication (for example: “O Allah, remove the anger from my heart”). These are all healthy methods to release emotional tension without causing psychological harm. In contrast, suppressing anger does not eliminate it; rather, it transforms it into chronic stress or physical illness. All these methods act as short pauses that protect us from words or actions we may later regret. Studies confirm that anger is a stored form of energy that needs safe release before it explodes in the wrong direction. After calming down, comes the role of conscious expression. Constant silence turns anger into deep resentment, whereas balanced expression helps resolve the situation. It is better to use “I-messages” that describe our feelings instead of blaming others. For example, we can say, “I felt frustrated when you delayed responding to the matter,” instead of saying, “You are careless and do not care about what is required.” This type of wording opens the door for dialogue instead of igniting conflict. Much of our anger arises from our personal interpretation of situations, not from the situations themselves. Therefore, reconsidering our perspective can reduce most anger episodes. A husband’s delay may be due to traffic, not neglect, and a manager’s lack of response may be due to workload, not disrespect. When we stop taking everything personally, we give ourselves great relief. Frequent and intense anger that leaves destructive effects at home or work is a sign that psychological support has become necessary. Seeking help from a specialist is not a sign of weakness; rather, it reflects awareness and responsibility toward oneself, just like visiting a doctor when experiencing a physical illness. Anger is like fire: it can burn a house, or it can be used to cook food—the difference lies in how we use it. Managing anger is a skill that can be developed through training and practice. Each time we succeed in controlling our anger, we add a new asset to our psychological well-being and our practical life.